


Are We There Yet?

by RyuUmi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Iron Dad, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 22:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15035024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyuUmi/pseuds/RyuUmi
Summary: “Mr. Stark?”Peter could feel a haunting chill creep up his spine, slowly wrapping itself around his neck. He couldn’t breathe. Every hair on his body was standing, and with every painfully silent second, Peter felt as if he had downed a gallon of sulfuric acid and was feeling it tear his insides apart in slow motion.“I don’t feel so good.”---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------During Peter's final moments, he finds himself recalling the three times he and Tony Stark had shared a 'hug'.





	Are We There Yet?

**Author's Note:**

> If the summary doesn't already imply it, this fanfic will have flashbacks. I wanted to italicize the flashback scenes so that it would be clear which sections were flashbacks and which were present time, but since the flashbacks take up a larger majority of this fic, I thought it'd seem a bit obnoxious if a majority of the fic was italicized ahaha. And italicizing the present-day scenes didn't make much sense to me either, so I didn't format the present or past scenes in any particular way. I just simply tried to make the divide obvious.
> 
> By the end of this fic, if you think there was a better way I could have divided up the scenes, just lemme know! I am open to criticism!

“Mr. Stark?”

Peter could feel a haunting chill creep up his spine, slowly wrapping itself around his neck. He couldn’t breathe. Every hair on his body was standing, and with every painfully silent second, Peter felt as if he had downed a gallon of sulfuric acid and was feeling it tear his insides apart in slow motion.

“I don’t feel so good.”

* * *

 “I can keep the suit?” Peter asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, that’s what we were just talking about” Tony responded in a tone that made Peter think for a second that he asked if the sky was blue.

When the realization dawned upon him that he was going to be in possession of a most-definitely expensive, custom-made creation engineered and developed by Tony Stark himself, Peter felt like his heart was going to stop.

He could only half listen as Tony explained how Happy would be his liaison; everything just felt unreal. The private jet to Germany. The fancy hotel. Holding Captain America’s shield. Fighting beside Tony Stark. There was no way all of this actually happened, especially to a normal high school teen like himself. But he supposed normal was all thrown out the window the moment a radioactive spider sunk its fangs into him.

“... Don’t do anything stupid. I’ve seen his cardiogram.” Tony continued. “Alright?”

“Yes.” Peter said maybe a bit too quickly as he pulled his mind back to the present.

“Don’t do anything I would do, and definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Tony quickly added. “There’s uh… there’s a little gray area in there, and that’s where you operate.”

Despite the admittedly confusing notion, Peter had only one glaring question on the tip of his tongue.

“Does that mean I’m an avenge”

“No.” Tony said automatically, as if he expected it.

_Ouch._

Peter tried not to take it to heart. Of course it would take more than just one fight to become an official Avenger. Or at least he had assumed so. With time, Peter was certain that he could prove to the veteran hero that he had what it took to become an Avenger, and his new suit upgrade was definitely going to be a huge help in getting him to that point. He just had to explore and get used to all of its various functions.

After a brief exchange with Happy, telling him that Peter could take the suitcase up to his apartment on his own, Peter turned eagerly to Tony.

“So when’s our next ‘retreat’, y’know?” he asked quietly, unable to contain his excitement for the future.

“What, our next mission?” Tony asked, raising a brow. “We’ll call you.”

“Oh, do you have my number?”

“No, we’ll call _you_. Like, someone will call you.” Tony said with a hint of impatience in his voice.

Tony leaned forward, his arm reaching out and around Peter’s shoulder, and as far as Peter knew, one second he was staring blankly at Tony, trying to fully understand the meaning of his statement, and the next, he was wide-eyed and speechless as he finally processed that Tony Stark   _the_ Tony Stark  was hugging him. Peter didn’t even care about how awkward the gesture felt. All he could think about was how the accomplished hero that he looked up to for as long as he could remember was hugging _him_.

Not wanting to miss the moment, Peter responded to the hug, only to suddenly feel a cool draft from behind him.

“That’s not a hug, I’m just grabbing the door for you.” Tony said bluntly as he pushed open said door.

Peter stiffened.

“We’re not there yet.” Tony added.

_Oh._

“Sorry.” was all Peter could stammer, feeling his face warming from embarrassment.

Unsure of what else to say, he quickly made his leave from the car. He was so lost in his thoughts of “Oh my god, why did I just do that” that he almost didn’t hear Tony’s goodbye from behind him.

With a single blink, the car he had exited was far down the street, and Peter stood there, silver briefcase in hand, as he silently watched Tony’s car fade in the horizon.

_Yeah. Definitely not gonna live that one down._

* * *

 “You’re alright.” Peter barely heard Tony say.

It felt as if cotton had been shoved into his ears, but Peter could have sworn that he heard something reminiscent of fear in his mentor’s voice. Regardless, Peter was certain of one thing: he was not alright.

A tremor ran through his body and shook him right through his bones. He couldn’t stop trembling, and he wasn’t sure if it was his own fear taking over or if his body was caught in a state of limbo between dissolving and fighting to remain intact.

He met Tony’s gaze, shaky breaths escaping his pained lungs as the cold wind seeped through them.

In Tony Stark’s eyes, he knew he must have looked like a helpless, terrified kid. But for once, he actually felt like one.

* * *

“So I’ve got a few ideas about how we can improve your current suit,” Tony said, laying out the empty Spiderman suit on his lab’s work table. “And I figure since it’s your suit, it’d be best for you to make the upgrades and really get familiar with everything underneath the skin of it.”

Peter accepted the various tools that Tony passed him.

“But I guess you’ve already done that, removing the tracker and all.” Tony quipped.

Peter could only offer a meek smile in response and was suddenly more interested in the flooring beneath him.

“Don’t worry, kid. I’ve done worse things when I was around your age.” Tony shrugged. “And hey, in the end you did manage to save Happy’s job and throw that psychopath demon with wings into a prison cell, so I’ll give you that.”

Peter shrugged.

Tony grabbed a few more tools and a set of blueprints as he continued. “Not saying you were right to take out that tracker though, cause believe me a small thing like that can be important in times of emergencies, and while you’ve still got your superhero training wheels on, it’s probably best to be prepared for any type of emergency. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

And nothing more was said.

Peter could feel Tony’s gaze linger on him as an uncomfortable silence settled into the room. It was only then that Peter had realized he still had his gaze fixed on the floor.

“Alright kid,” Tony finally said with a sigh. “What’s up?”

Peter bit his lip. “What do you mean?”

“I mean what’s going through that head of yours?” Tony clarified knocking his knuckles on Peter’s scalp a few times. “At this point, I expected you to be talking my head off with all your  ideas on suit improvements and what-not. Hell, you don’t even seem that interested in working on it.”

“I am! I promise I am.” Peter exclaimed, his palms beginning to get clammy from cold sweat. “It’s just….”

Silence crept in once more. Peter honestly had no idea what to do or say, yet he continued. “I mean, today I’m just… tired. I still want to work on this with you though, I promise.”

The look on Tony’s face told Peter that the billionaire genius wasn’t buying his excuse but wasn’t going to push further. At least not at that moment.

“If you say so.” Tony shrugged. “Hey, do you like pizza?”

“What?” Peter said, thrown off by the sudden change of topic.

“Pizza. You ever had it?”

“Wha yes, of course I’ve had i”

“Fantastic. Do you like it?”

Was that a trick question? Was Peter being tested?

“C’mon, kid, it’s not that hard of a question.” Tony said with a look that Peter couldn’t quite read.

“Y...yes?”

“Alright, then let’s order some.” Tony said, taking the tools he had just handed Peter and setting them on the lab table.

“But the suit!” Peter said getting more flustered by the second. “I thought we were gonna”

A firm hand clapped down on Peter’s shoulder.

“I’m feeling pretty hungry. Let’s go ahead and take care of our stomachs first before we take care of that suit. Alright?”

Peter nodded wordlessly, refraining from mentioning that he wasn’t hungry.

After watching the renowned billionaire follow through with the incredibly mundane task of ordering pizzas by phone, the pizza driver’s car rolled up to the front of the Avengers facility with surprising promptness. Under normal circumstances, Peter would have found it hilarious how awestruck the pizza man looked, having carried out a delivery for Tony Stark and bringing it straight to the Avengers’ doorstep. He probably would’ve even chuckled from the raised eyebrows he and Tony received from passing agents within the facility, but today… well, he was just having an off-day.

“Where are you going?” Peter heard Tony ask behind him once the pizza man drove away.

“Uh, back to the lab?” Peter responded, pizza boxes in his arms.

“For what? To be a hermit down there?” Tony said as he gestured for Peter to come back towards him. “C’mon kid, it’s pretty dull and dreary in that lab. Let’s enjoy the fresh air for a bit and eat out here. Follow me, I’ve got a patio with a few tables installed here recently. You’re gonna love it.”

In all honesty, Peter wouldn’t have minded being a recluse, but somehow he still found himself following behind Tony, thinking it unwise to turn down an invitation from his superhero mentor, and was eventually seated at an admittedly nice table with a peaceful view of the local greenery.

“There’s something just so refreshing about the good ol’ pepperoni and cheese.” Tony rambled across from Peter as he took a generous bite out of his slice. “Ha. Pepper… Tony… Pepperoni. Gotta tell Pepper that.”

Peter looked at the other man with a raised brow.

“You don’t get that one. Just talking to myself.” Tony said with a chuckle that almost sounded embarrassed. “Hey, you’d better eat. Eating cold pizza is basically a crime.”

Peter looked at the slice in his hand with uninterested eyes doing as he was told in sluggish bites.

Tony sighed. “You gotta throw me a bone here, kid.”

Peter looked up.

“No half-assed excuse is gonna make me believe that nothing’s got you hung up right now.” Tony said. “And frankly, I’m not very good at dealing with teenagers, so just… I don’t know, say something. What’s going on? Getting bullied? Relationship issues? Puberty making you hormonal?”

A bitter taste spread within Peter’s mouth, and he was certain it wasn’t because of the pizza. Technically, Tony was correct about all three things he had listed, but truthfully only one of them has been occupying his mind for the past month.

Tony was waiting for an answer. The _real_ answer. And the weight of his gaze making Peter feel heavy and uncomfortable. If Peter told his mentor what was really on his mind, he would only see him as a kid, and he had finally gotten Tony to take him seriously as a hero. But Tony was clearly trying to get him to open up, even going as far as to buy pizza and sitting down to get a moment together. Perhaps an explanation was the least he could give to acknowledge Tony’s efforts.

“It’s,” Peter started hesitantly. Tony waited. “It’s about this girl. Her name is Liz. Well, her name is Elizabeth, but everyone calls her Liz.”

Tony leaned back in his chair, seeming almost relieved. Peter assumed the relief was due to the topic being familiar territory for his mentor; he had heard a lot about Tony’s playboy, relationship-hopping days in the past.

“So our young, tights-wearing Peter Parker has fallen for this Liz character?”

Peter gave a small smile. “Yeah, I guess I’ve liked her for a while.”

“You didn’t end up… doing something I would do did you?” Tony asked with an unusual nervousness.

Peter stared at the older man blankly. And then red blossomed from beneath his cheeks as he processed what the older man was insinuating.

“What?!” Peter exclaimed abashedly. “No, no, no, of course not!”

Tony let out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good, cause I’m definitely not ready to have _that_ talk.”

Peter decided it was best to ignore that comment, in hopes that the awkward moment would just pass quickly.

“So wasn’t your homecoming dance was just a month ago?” Tony asked in between bites. “Did you ask her out to that?”

“Yeah. We uh… we went to the dance together.” For about a few minutes. But Peter didn’t mention that.

Tony lowered what was left of his slice with an impressed look on his face. “Well look at you. You’ve already graduated from your relationship training wheels.”

Peter shrugged, unsure of what he could’ve said in response.

“So you got the girl you’ve liked. Why the glum face then? Lover’s spat?”

“Because I….” Something got caught in his mouth, and his tongue couldn’t move. Peter lowered his gaze, while Tony raised his.

“I… I ruined her life.” Peter said. He really wasn’t hungry. “I found out Toomes was her dad… the night of homecoming. And-- and I ditched Liz at the dance to catch him and put him in prison. And now she’s leaving Midtown and moving to Oregon, and I know she doesn’t want to, but she has to.”

Peter was amazed by how tight of a fist he could make.

“And she definitely hates me now for all the times I’ve let her down. And if she knew who I really was, she’d probably hate me even more.” Peter said with an empty laugh. “I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing. I think I did the right thing, but… I can’t help but wonder at what cost?”

Was he talking too much? Was he being corny? Too dramatic? Maybe this wasn’t what Tony wanted to deal with right now. He was a busy man after all, and from Tony’s perspective, Peter was just some kid from Queens. Despite his worries, Peter couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth.

“I’ve still been helping people as Spiderman, but now I always have that fear nagging me in the back of my head.” Peter said without taking a breath. “What am I supposed to do if doing the right thing ends up hurting others indirectly? I don’t even know if I’m cut out to be a hero anymore. I don’t know what to do.”

Peter looked up, realizing from the misty image of Tony that moisture had built up in his eyes. How embarrassing. He was _not_ about to start crying in front of the veteran hero. He quickly swiped at his eyes, not caring that it wasn’t the most subtle move.

He hesitantly looked back up at Tony, half-expecting to see an impatient stare questioning if Peter was done yet, but instead he met a pair of brown eyes filled with weary understanding. It almost seemed as if his mentor was lost in a painful memory, himself.

To Peter’s surprise, Tony got up from his side of the table and joined Peter in the chair beside him, sitting down with a sigh that almost sounded tired… maybe even sad.

“I’m sure you’ve realized this yourself by now, but being a hero?” Tony looked over to Peter. “It’s far from easy. It’s a full-time job where you’re always facing tough decisions, and most of the time, no one’s going to be there to tell you what the right thing to do is. You’ve gotta operate on your own moral compass.”

Peter nodded slowly.

“And the kicker? Well, no matter what you do, you’re gonna affect someone around you, whether it be for better or for worse. It doesn’t help that the public forgets that we’re only human too; everyone is always expecting you to make everything hunky dorey for everyone in the end.” Tony had a distant look in his eyes. “I’ve been in your shoes before, Parker. Still in them actually. In my time of ‘superhero-ing’ I’ve made tough calls myself, and I’ve hurt so many people. Some of whom I don’t even know personally and some of whom I considered to be my closest friends.”

Peter vaguely thought about the time at the airport in Germany, when his two childhood heroes clashed in a heated battle. He couldn’t help but wonder if Tony was recalling that moment himself.

“I’ve stuck to what I believe is the right thing to do. I’m no longer sure, myself, if I made the right choices either, but you wanna know what gets me through each day?”

Peter silently waited, watching his mentor with careful eyes.

“I remind myself that the things I’ve done, the choices I’ve made, they were all for the goal of achieving greater good. To ultimately help as many people as I’m able to.” For a second, Peter wondered if those were truly Tony’s words or if they were someone else’s. “So tell me, Peter, why did you pursue this Toomes, guy? What made you choose him over this Liz girl?”

Peter looked to his hands in his lap. “I… I knew that Toomes wasn’t going to stop what he was doing. He was making weapons that really could have put a lot of other people in danger.”

Tony was nodding silently.

“And you decided to do the thing that would save the most people in the end. Right?”

“... Yes.”

Peter felt a warm hand on his shoulder, stiff but warm. He looked up to see an unreadable expression on Tony’s face. For a quick second, it felt like Tony was looking at someone else through him, but maybe Peter was just overthinking it.

“You’re a good kid.” Tony said with a wistful smile. “Most people your age wouldn’t have made such a mature decision, but you did, and although you’ve got some doubts on your mind, you kept helping as many people as you can. Out of everyone out there, you’ve got the most potential to be a true hero, Peter. Why else would I have invited you to become an Avenger?”

Peter could feel his eyes welling up once more, and he let out a shaky laugh, one that was much more heartfelt.

“Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“Don’t mention it, kid.” Tony said, wrapping his arm around Peter, prompting Peter to return the one-armed hug gesture, himself.

“Oh. That wasn’t a hug.”

Peter felt himself freeze up.

“I was just trying to reach over you for another slice.”

_Shit._

The embarrassment was just as fresh as when he had made the same uncomfortable mistake all those months ago. Peter quickly dropped his arm.

“S-sorry.” he mumbled, looking up with what he hoped was an apologetic enough face.

He had expected the same awkward avoiding of eye contact as from when Peter had last “hugged” Tony, but this time the older man was looking at him with an amused glint in his eyes and a mischievous smirk tugging at his mouth. “Still not there yet, Parker.”

Peter couldn’t help but smile.

“Guess I’ll have to keep waiting then.” 

* * *

Peter was falling apart, and he could feel every agonizing second of it as his body struggled with the fight it couldn’t win. He looked down to his hands in horror as his trembling fingertips began to crumble. Beneath him his legs were slowly becoming a patchwork of solid matter and empty space. He could feel dust stuffing his throat, and he was afraid to breathe out of fear of losing more of himself to the passing breeze.

“I don’t I don’t know what’s happening.” Peter heard himself stammer.

He felt what was left of his legs pulling him towards Tony.

“I don’t know what’s happening.” he wheezed.

And his legs were gone. 

* * *

“Got another one down, Mr. Stark!” Peter announced into the receiver of his suit as he stepped back to admire his webwork on the dazed criminal he had just caught.

“Nice work, kid.” Tony said. “I’ve got a lead on the head honcho at the moment, and I’m gonna need your help.”

Peter’s eyes lit up. “I’ve got you on my tracker right now. Where do you want me to meet you?”

“I’m working on a hunch here, but my gut tells me this guy is bee-lining straight back to his warehouse hideout.”

“Karen, look up the fastest route to the warehouse from here.” Peter said before his mentor was finished.

“Hold up there, Flash. This guy wouldn’t be headed for such an obvious location if he didn’t have something game-winning for him hidden there.” Tony noted. “Meet me at the warehouse, but be careful. I’m gonna call in a drone or two, so when you get here, just focus on baiting him out and cornering him.”

“Roger that!” Peter exclaimed as he set off swinging in the path Karen had set for him.

Adrenaline was pumping through his body, the cold New York wind rushed through his suit meeting hot skin, and Peter felt absolutely invigorated. He knew crime-stopping required a higher level of seriousness, but today he felt like he was on top of the world, rather than just on top of the city skyscrapers.

Ever since Tony had established a hero-training routine, in which Peter and Ironman stop higher-level local crimes together, Peter has felt indescribably refreshed. He could feel himself improving his skills as a hero and was more than happy to be learning straight from his favorite superhero mentor. Some missions were admittedly more exhausting than others, but in the end, it was all well-worth it.

Today, the pair was pursuing a group of weapons-dealers from a case that the F.B.I. had been investigating for months. Similar to Toomes’ arms business, this group dealt with dangerous alien technology but unlike Toomes’ group, they were suspected to be affiliated with HYDRA.

“You’ve arrived at your destination, Peter.” Karen said within the Spiderman suit.

“Thanks, Karen.” Peter said, pulling himself up to the warehouse rooftop. “Any signs of life in the building?”

“There appears to be two individuals currently in the building’s garage.” the A.I. reported. “One of which is Tony Stark, and the other is the targeted head weapons-dealer.”

As if on cue, Tony’s voice crackled in. “You here yet, Pete?”

“Just got here.”

“Perfect.” Tony said in a low voice, most likely trying not to spoil the plans to their target. “You can’t see them, but I’ve got a few drones surrounding the building.”

Peter scanned the area, and he in fact could not see the drones.

“I’m gonna need you to come into the garage from a window in the south part of the building. Stick to the ceiling and drop down on the guy when I tell you to.” Tony instructed. “This guy’s got some sort of signal barrier here that disables my drones within the building, so we’re gonna have to fight him out the door or locate the source of the signal barrier and destroy it. My suit is also being affected by the signal, so I may have to leave a good amount of the fighting to you. ”

“Got it.”

Peter had already made his way down the building towards where Karen had located the garage housing the heat signatures she had identified. He peered through a paneless window on the south-facing side of the building, noticing Tony inside keeping the criminal distracted with sharp-tongued retorts, successfully providing an opening for Peter to crawl in undetected.

“You think wiping us out will solve all of your problems? Ha!” Peter heard the weapons-dealer scoff from below. He had a high-tech gun of some sort trained on Iron man. “My business is merely a short branch of the tree. HYDRA has stuck low to the ground, but its roots run deep.”

Peter bit his lip as he awaited the signal. He had only heard of HYDRA through wikipedia articles and conspiracy videos, and despite the conflict against HYDRA remaining a government secret, he had also heard that Captain America worked to tear down the criminal organization during his World War II days. He had heard from Tony that modern-day HYDRA agents had infiltrated SHIELD, taking it apart from the inside, and attempted to carry out a mass genocide of potential threats to their organization.

“Yeah, yeah, you and your organization’s freaky motto about cutting off heads and growing another. I get it.” Tony sighed impatiently. “Let’s go, kid.”

Before the target had a chance to even look up, Peter shot himself a string of web and swung down, successfully kicking the criminal off his feet and sending the weapon in his hands clattering onto the floor. Peter stuck his landing and watched as Iron man charged towards the dealer.

How their target managed to avoid the hit, Peter wasn’t sure, but he did feel the hairs on his neck stand as a wave of confused alarm washed over him.

“Well, Stark… Looks like this is the end game.” the dealer said as he pulled out what Peter could only identify as some sort of switch. “For both me and you.”

“Mr. Stark, he’s gonna”

“Hail, HYDRA.”

Peter’s warning went unfinished as a blast of energy with the force of a thousand bricks threw him backwards slamming him into a solid wall. He could hear the heavy metal of the Ironman suit collide into the same wall next to him.

Hot air and thick smoke clogged his lungs, forcing Peter to cough, only making the throbbing ringing in his head louder.

Peter opened his eyes and was met with a sight that gave him a serious case of deja-vu. Scattered flames and hot soot and debris filled his vision, bringing him back to that night on the beach with scorching flames surrounding him, but Peter quickly got his head together and rushed to his mentor’s side.

“Mr. Stark, are you okay?” He coughed raggedly over the sound of the building crumbling apart.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Tony responded, pulling himself from the ground with a stumble. “Where’s our guy?”

Peter turned to scan the area. It was difficult to see anything other than red and black, but hidden barely beneath the flames and smoke, he could see the figure of their target pinned by a large mass of the building crumbled over half of his body.

“Oh no.” Peter said under his breath. “Mr. Stark, he needs our help!”

Before Tony could get a word in, Peter felt his body rushing towards the criminal out of instinct to save the man who could very well become fried if he didn’t do anything.

“Wait, Peter!” Tony shouted over a particularly loud crack from above.

It all happened in a matter of seconds, but for Peter it felt like everything had occurred for longer as he looked above him to see a portion of the building falling to the weight of gravity, with its end destination being right where Peter was and maybe even beyond that. The fact of the matter was clear: no matter which direction he tried running, he wouldn’t have enough time to avoid his fate of being crushed.

Just before he could fully comprehend the graveness of his situation, Peter felt any remaining air left in his lungs flee his body as a force collided into his back, metal arms wrapped around him, as he hit the soot-covered floor. And then everything turned black.

 

There was silence. Heavy, impenetrable silence.

And a heavy, impenetrable object pinning Peter to the ground.

Peter opened his eyes and was met with darkness. He was no longer sure if his eyes were truly open or if he had died and went on to the afterlife, but if this was what came after death, then he was sure he had been sent to hell. A blisteringly hot, terrifyingly familiar hell that Peter was not ready to face.

Peter attempted to push himself off of the ground, hoping that it would lift whatever was holding him down, but there wasn’t enough space for him to create the appropriate amount of force. He was trapped. He felt his breath hitch as his heart started to race within his chest.

Darkness hid him from being discovered. Peter ripped off his mask. He couldn’t breathe.

He wanted to cry out for help in the darkness, but he knew he would only hear his helpless voice echoing back to him. A cruel reminder that he was alone and would die alone. Peter needed air. He desperately needed air, but he could only taste the dry, bitter dust as it rushed in to clog his airways.

The heartbeat thrumming within his skull dulled the sound of an electronic whirring. It dulled the sound of building debris scraping against metal. It dulled the sound of the wind rushing past his ears and a voice saying something indistinguishable. With every cough Peter felt his body squeeze out, his chest was ready to explode.

His eyes couldn’t focus. He was too dizzy. Everything was a blur, but he could see streaks of white within blue above him past a red figure that held him close.

“...eter…. Can… hea… me?”

Peter could only think about how trapped he was. The rational part of his mind whispered that he was no longer encased within building debris, but the irrational part screamed that he would die a helpless death. His mind was still trapped, and it was overwhelming.

“Friday… wha… happening… to… im?”

Peter could only barely recognize that the voice belonged to Tony. Whatever Friday had reported to Tony seems to have made him curse under his breath.

“...eathe… You’ve got to breathe, Pete.” Tony’s voice instructed firmly.

He was trying! Could Tony not hear him struggling to do so?

“Breathe with me. C’mon. Like this.”

Peter could hear rhythmic breaths and did his best to follow the example, and after what felt like an eternity to him, the world finally slowed down. And his eyes could focus on the maskless Iron man hovering above him, eyebrows knit together, still breathing deep rhythmic breaths.

“I’m good… I’m alright, Mr. Stark.” Peter coughed, the last bits of dust leaving his throat.

Tony’s face told him he wasn’t convinced.

Just before Peter could start winding down from his incident, an image of a dying man flashed within his mind, and he shot up.

“The target!” he exclaimed raspily.

“Whoa, relax, relax. The drones have him.” Tony said pushing Peter back down. “Blasting the building ended up blasting the signal barrier that was disabling them. They got him before he could get roasted.”

Peter looked to where Tony’s gaze was fixed, noticing that their target was indeed safe. Smeared with charred debris and red in places that were inevitably burned, but safe.

Peter let out a deep breath and closed his eyes, his body starting to feel some new aching bruises. “Cool… cool.”

“Fury should be here to detain him shortly.” Tony stated. Peter felt brown eyes staring holes through him. “Pete, what happened?”

Peter opened his eyes tiredly. He knew exactly what had happened, but he had no idea how to vocalize it. He had never talked about his near death experience underneath a building in his encounter with Toomes to Tony, and despite a year having already passed since the incident, Peter was ashamed to realize today that he had still not moved on from that experience.

“I’ve been there before.” was all Peter could manage to say. “Underneath a building… when I tried to catch Toomes.”

Peter wanted to say more. He wanted to say how the thought of dying… hopelessly being unable to change his fate… the dreadful feeling of helplessness… it terrified him. It shook him to his core.

But somehow Tony’s thoughtful eyes seemed to read what was caught in the back of Peter’s throat, and he nodded.

“You’re alright, Pete.” Tony said firmly.

Peter smiled weakly. He was still trembling, but with his mentor, he felt like he really was going to be alright.

“We’ve really gotta talk about your impulsive actions though.” Tony said with a look of sterness. “You could’ve gotten us both killed, y’know.”

“Sorry.” Peter said ashamedly as he pulled himself to his feet with his mentor’s help. He knew Tony was serious, but he couldn’t help but think about one particular thing. “At least I finally got a hug out of you though.”

Tony raised a questioning brow. Peter smirked.

“You know. When I almost became a pancake?”

Once realization hit Tony, he let out a brief yet warm chuckle. “Yeah right. That wasn’t a hug, kid. Just me saving your spiderling, tights-wearing butt.”

“You sure?” Peter asked jokingly. He appreciated that he and his mentor could share this ongoing inside joke. “Sure felt like a hug to me.”

Peter felt a playful hand ruffle his hair with a fondness that made any remaining aching tightness in his chest dissipate.

“In your dreams. We’re still not there.”

Peter grinned. “Sorry.”

They both knew that he wasn’t, and that was fine. 

* * *

Peter felt himself falling. He needed something, _anything_ , to hang onto.

His arms wrapped around Tony Stark. His hero. His mentor. His friend.

Peter felt arms, just as shaky as his, hold him fearfully in a shocked embrace. Peter needed to hear Tony’s heartbeat. His breathing. He needed that grounding rhythm to bring him back to his senses, but there was no rhythm anymore. There was only Tony’s sharp, uneven breaths confirming for Peter that there was no going back to the way things were.

It was the end. Thanos had won, and Peter and half of the universe’s fate was sealed. It was hopeless to fight the inevitable. And yet….

“I don’t wanna go.” Peter wheezed.

He felt his arms begin to crumble away, and he held Tony even tighter, the irrational part of his mind telling him that Tony could keep him together somehow.

“I don’t wanna go.” Peter repeated, his voice and remainder of his body trembling. “Sir, please, I don’t wanna go.”

His mouth was full of dust. The taste was just as he had remembered: bitter.

“I don’t wanna go.”

He wasn’t ready. Peter knew he sounded like a child, but he just wasn’t ready.

Peter’s mind was becoming a fuzzy blur, but collective memories of “hugs” he had shared with Tony filled the empty spaces in his head. Today this hug felt so… genuine. It was full of fear from a goodbye that came far too early… full of fear from losing a loved one. Peter came to the numb realization that he and Tony were there. They were finally there. Maybe they had been all along, but in Peter’s final moments, the truth felt more prominent than ever.

Tony pulled away, lowering Peter to the ground, hovering over him with fear in his eyes like _that_ time. From the look on his face, Peter could tell Tony wanted to keep repeating that he was fine, perhaps out of a desire to convince himself that it wasn’t Peter’s time. But they both knew better.

Peter could no longer fight the pain. His body ceased its trembling. Tired brown eyes met wide brown eyes -- eyes that had watched many friends come and go but could never let go of the departure.

With the last of his remaining strength, Peter whispered, “Sorry.”

Peter let out the breath he had been holding.

And he let the wind take him.

**Author's Note:**

> I mentioned it in the beginning notes, but I am open to any criticism! This is probably the first fic I have written and successfully completed, and it is the third fic I've seriously written as well. I mostly wrote this out of self-satisfaction, but it's always nice to hear how I can improve!
> 
> Sorry for the heaviness of the ending. :^( I am hoping to complete a more light-hearted Infinity Wars fic in the very near future, so hopefully that can also make me feel better about myself after this ahaha :'^)


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